Evangelical Christians talk a lot about being "convicted" of their sin. It always sounds like this neat, orderly process - the Holy Spirit convicts them, they feel deep remorse for their wrong-doing, and they set about changing the sin in their life.
What I wonder, is does anyone else ever think, "well... crap..." when they feel convicted of their sin? 'Cause I do.
Let's face it - sin can be really fun. Recently I came to the realization of my sinful treatment of a person in my life. This person irritates me. Deeply. So, behind their back, I mock them, being bitchy and snarky in my commentary on my dealings with this person. I almost always get a lot of laughs, and I feel vindicated in my feelings about this person - after all, how can I be expected to be gracious and merciful with someone so irrational?
So when I came face to face with the sinfulness of my treatment of this person, my reaction was not to thank God for the work of the Holy Spirit in my life and gladly begin changing my attitude.
My reaction was to think, "Well... crap..."
Why was I reluctant to change my attitude? Because I want to be the hero of my own story, which means that everyone who comes against me to complicate my plans, is a villain.
Frederica Matthewes-Green talks about this attitude in her great little book, The Illumined Heart: Capture the Vibrant Faith of Ancient Christians. She points out the great flaw in our thinking of ourselves as heroes is that, "the person whom we're practicing heroics on is unlikely to recognize that he's the bad guy." In fact, "the plotline in his mental movie is different than ours," meaning that I might very well be the villain in their story.
No one blames the hero for not caring for the villain. And when I stop being bitchy and snarky and begin to see this person as an independent being whom I must respect and love and encourage in their walk with Christ... well, that costs me something.
According to Matthewes-Green, I and this person in my life are not enemies, facing each other with swords and weapons, but fellow travelers, bound together in a three-legged race of sorts. We make our way toward the finish line of transformation together, lurching and stumbling the whole way.
I want to ignore this. I want to run my race on my own, free from the cumbersome weight of another person's sin and issues, discipleship and transformation.
But I can't. Because Jesus says to love my neighbor as I love myself, and the light has nothing to do with the darkness, I must every day put my irritation aside and choose love instead of comfort, and even humor.
Am I the only one who feels this way? Am I the only one who looks at Jesus, sees how their behavior should be, and says, "Well... crap..."?
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I totally feel that way sometimes. I think people get it wrong when they think we will always be repelled by sin. Sin can be incredibly enticing and fun and easy, and choosing to deny ourselves all the fun can be really hard.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I'm not the only one! It seems to me that if sin was always repulsive, we wouldn't have needed so much of the NT to tell us how to avoid it.
ReplyDeleteKathryn nice post.
ReplyDeleteMight I make a suggestion? I would advise you to double space between paragraphs. It will help break up your post and make it more readable. Also maybe throw in a picture if you can. It makes the reader want to read the post a little more because it will not just be a wall of text that looks daunting. The reader will be less likely to go "Whoa, that is way too much text I am not going to read that." That has been my experience as a semi-professional internet writer.
Also can I borrow that Matthewes-Green book?
Thanks for reading, Jesse, and thanks for the suggestions! I'll try both of those next time - and yes, you can borrow the Matthewes-Green book - I actually own two copies, just so I won't mind loaning it out! I will write myself a note and try very hard to bring it on Sunday (or whenever I see you or sharon next).
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