Boys and Their Toys

http://www.firstthings.com/article/2009/12/the-killer-instinct

This is an article that I recommend to any parent, any adult who volunteers with children in their church, anyone who cares how we raise our children.

The author, Sally Thomas, explores current trends that have emerged in the last 30 years or so in keeping violent toys away from young boys out of fear that they will learn violence. What the parent (or babysitter, relative, or friend) of any young boy can tell you, however, is that anything can become a weapon in the hands of a boy. "Give a girl a rock," she says, "and she will make it a pet. Give a boy a doll, and he will point it at your head and say, 'Bang'."

But we do live in an increasingly violent world. School violence, extreme bullying, frighteningly violent video games abound. The solution, according to the author, is not to withhold the sword, but to teach what the sword is for.

Thomas recounts a moving story about a boys club in her own parish. Pre-teen and teen boys who have formed a Eucharistic adoration society called the "Holy Crusaders". They offer hours of adoration and prayer. The club has grown from 2 boys to 20. The secret?

Knighthood. Each boy is initiated into the club with a stout whack of a real sword by the priest, in the manner of medieval knights. They pledge to be "men of prayer", "men of the church". They have rough robes, manly black and red knot rosaries, and their own store of stories to tell young initiates.

What an amazing idea! By allowing these boys to be boys in their worship, this priest has allowed the boys to make the church their own. It is no longer just their parents' church or their sisters' church - it is their church, and they are charged to protect it with the mighty weapon of prayer.

Women outnumber men by a 60/40 majority in most mainline churches. Men a disappearing from church leadership in mainstream evangelical Christianity. Catholic and Eastern Orthodox churches are faring some better. Fundamentalist churches are not short of men. But the mainstream church is becoming a largely feminine endeavor.

We could debate the theologies and liturgies involved. As an Anglican, I often find myself caught between evangelicalism and Catholicism. We could debate the mindset of contemporary spirituality that makes it more appealing to women, but it is a mindset that alienates many women as well. We could debate pop psychology and conventional wisdom. We could, and maybe we will (I certainly have my opinions) but for now, let's follow the example of these boys and see what we can learn.

God made boys. He made them rough and tumble, careless and idealistic. It should not surprise us that in being allowed to be rough and boyish, in being called to higher ideals and told that they can serve God as boys, they would find themselves at home in church. In being given a church to protect and defend, they are taught that God made them for a purpose, and it is a purpose that feels good to these boys. They learn to be men, to be defenders of the faith and the church, men that they already admire and wish to emulate.

I encourage anyone who cares about boys to read this article and consider how you can encourage the boys in your life to be truly counter-cultural by choosing to protect and defend, rather than destroy and abandon.